An
aspect of health and well-being also involves how conflict is
approached. Conflict is a part of being alive, and avoidance of
conflict can be problematic (and unhealthy). At the same time there are
various ways conflict can be approached, and I feel it is important to
be intentional about that. There are many resources out in the world
around this, and below is a protocol that I and others put together for Free Cascadia Witchcamp. Here is the link for the Conflict Engagement and Exploration Protocol, and the full text is below (Artwork by Amara).
Conflict Engagement and Exploration Protocol:
We hold that conflict is
inevitable, and honor that conflict can be a gift or opportunity for
individuals and a group to grow and evolve. We commit to not shaming the
phenomenon of conflict, or the primary vessels which it may be moving through.
We acknowledge that we each carry our own shadow, and that the collective
shadow work of the group may move through different individuals at different
times. We will aspire to tease apart what may be inter-personal, and what may
be a group energy moving through individuals. We will try to the best of our
abilities to approach conflict with an eye to its complexity, and an awareness
of possible deeper group archetypal expressions. We understand that conflict
does not exist or impact individual relationships solely, but also exists
within and may impact a web of relationships. While we might not be the primary
actors in any given conflict, we accept that it is still the group’s conflict,
and that the group may be secondarily or primarily responsible for holding that
conflict with compassion and a consciousness to lend to exploration and
transformation. We agree to utilize the below options (which may be amended or supplemented
in the future) with respect and regard to the circumstances and context of any
given conflict.
If you are having
difficulties with another camper, group, or structural elements at camp…
1.) Check in with
yourself first.
Is this an issue that
needs to be addressed for your own or the community’s well-being, or is it just
a moment’s irritation? Do you need the voice of the person you’re having
difficulty with to address it, or can you look within yourself to understand
and defuse the situation?
2.) Check in with the
other person next.
If your conflict
involves another person, or people, have you addressed it directly with them?
Their voice would often be the first you seek to explore/transform the
conflict. Are you ready to talk to them in a way that permits both of you to be
heard, or are you still in the throes of emotion about the conflict? Take time,
a cooling off period may be needed, take a breath, take a walk if you need to.
This cool off period can be vital for some and painstaking for others. We ask
that you negotiate what seems to be a workable agreement for those involved
with respect to these needs.
Check out the Wellness
Tent for resources on engaging with conflict--reflective listening, non-violent
communication...etc.
Here’s some basic tips:
- Ask before you act;
engage a process of inquiry before you make assumptions.
- Consider using the
basic NVC formula:
“When this happened
_________, I felt _______, because_________, Would you be willing to
_________?”
- Be specific and avoid
judging or blaming language.
- Guidelines for
reflective listening: Sincere listening, attentive and open; able to reflect
content of the teller; able to reflect feeling of the teller.
3.)
Check in with your immediate circle
In
moving toward transforming the conflict, is there a friend with whom you can
discuss the conflict to give you some additional perspective? Do you just need
to vent, or are you open to hearing that you might have contributed to the
situation in some way? As you consider possible next steps, perhaps it is also
a time to consider what you are learning about yourself and what you might be
projecting onto the other person. Remember, the goal is to transform the
conflict--be mindful about how talking widely about conflict can cause it to
ferment in ways you didn’t intend.
4) Invite in an
Ally/Mediator/Wellness Support
If you are in a conflict
that exceeds your ability to engage in a good way, consider inviting in an ally
whom both parties trust to ground the interaction and help both people hear
each other calmly. Consider if it would be helpful to have a buddy who can help
you communicate your concerns. Many campers have experience mediating and/or
offering support around conflicts and have stepped up to be Tenders, identified
by an armband. Calling in some additional tools, perspectives, or ways of
structuring the conversation might be just the thing.
5) Initiate Group
Support
If after a discussion,
one or both parties continue to feel like they would like additional support
regarding a conflict, reach out to Wellness, and the concern can be brought to
camp organizers. We accept that the group as a whole may be responsible for
holding conflict with compassion and consciousness to lend to
exploration/transformation. Often conflicts at camp are manifestations of
ideological conflicts at camp that are just under the surface, and bringing it
to a larger group can illuminate the web of relationships and impacts within
which we act. There are recourses for addressing conflicts at camp that are
accessible to all campers, and Wellness and other organizers can help
facilitate group support. Additionally, conflicts contribute to the cultural
growth and lore of camp in a variety of ways.
In the case of
individuals breaking camp agreements, in order to maintain a culture of
responsibility, such behaviors can be brought to camp organizers.
If difficulty or
concerns involve access to camp resources, concerns regarding camp
structures, groups, or other larger community concerns, a
format for collective engagement could be explored, possibly through all camp
meetings. If you need support in bringing these concerns to the larger
community, you are encouraged to reach out to Wellness, camp organizers and
elders (that is, people who’ve been attending camp for many years--there are
many elders around of a diversity of ages)!
Possible tools for
addressing conflict could be, creating a fish bowl, Ally Circle, Elder’s
Circle, Empathetic Mediated Discussion, or negotiated agreement. Check out the
Wellness tent for further resources.
If conflict remains
untenable, Gate Agreements are broken, or problematic behaviors remain,
individuals could be asked to refrain from participating in path, rituals or be
asked to leave camp.
Let us move towards
conflict when it arises, towards understanding ourselves and each other more
fully, especially when this is difficult, with the awareness that there is
support at Free Cascadia Witch Camp to do so.
These
steps and perspective on conflict have been adapted, with consent, from the
original contributors, rain crowe and Prince Dmitri, from their work with the Applegate
Winter Forestry camp, and additionally from JP Hartsong from the Nomenus Wolf
Creek Sanctuary's conflict engagement approach. They have been edited for
FCWC by the Wellness Working Group 2014.
